Sadie Blue 1995-2011
In previous posts, I mentioned Sadie. As the title might imply, she died… Friday, November 4th, 2011, approximately 11:45am.
Friday morning, I just finished getting ready for work, and my sister was cursing about something as I came downstairs to retrieve my driving necessities. I figured Sadie had an accident, which seemed to be the case. She was laying in a puddle of urine, and another puddle of vomit, which was unusual because her accidents were normally defecation. My sister has a bad back from scoliosis, so I lifted Sadie out of the mess and carried her outside. For the most part, she seemed okay, or at least okay for having just thrown up. She was lucid, didn’t seem to be in pain, and I figured she was just stressed from having vomited.
I washed my hands and forearms with soapy, chilling water, dried them quickly, and went to work, not knowing seeing Sadie scared and covered in urine and vomit would be the last time I saw her.
I came home for lunch to give Sadie her medicine. I checked the kitchen, living room, and my mom’s bedroom (where she usually sleeps), but I couldn’t find her. I tried to not worry, figuring she had been taken to the vet office. As I went to prepare lunch, I spotted a yellow note posted on the microwave reading Sadie had passed away around 11:45am.
I work until 7:00pm, and my mom had left to stay with a friend for the weekend before I returned home for the evening. My sister works nights, so she was sound asleep, and I had no details on what happened until just recently when I managed to speak with my sister as she was leaving for work.
When I left, neither of us knew Sadie was in such poor shape when I carried her outside. It wasn’t until half an hour or so after I left for work my sister realized Sadie wasn’t recovering. Sadie started drooling (unusual for Sadie) and seemed dazed, and continued to gag like she was trying to vomit. Kim (my sister) called my mom to get Sadie to the vet. The vet said Sadie had internal bleeding from either an ulcer or a ruptured tumor, and the vomiting was a result of either shock or a minor stroke. My mom and sister were there to give their farewells, while I was sitting in a cubical talking to strangers who were hundreds of miles away.
Sadie lived to be sixteen years old. Her last few months of life were depressing; Sadie had a seizure about two months ago which the vet thought was caused by a brain tumor, and they prescribed an anti-seizure medication. Around that time, she was barely able to walk due to arthritis and muscle deterioration, and I had to carry her in and up, and up and down stairs. During that time, I came accepted she wasn’t going to be alive much longer.
It was hard for me to see her in such a feeble condition. Some days were better than others. On good days she could get up on her own and walk around. On bad days, she would just look at me with a forlorn expression, needing me to carry her around.
One of the most difficult things about caring for non-human animals is we can’t always understand what they want, or what they try to communicate with us.
Now, Sadie is many memories that exist between several people, and her body will be a pouch of ash in a jar placed on a shelf. I feel guilt from not showing more sorrow or remorse, but my heart had already slowly been breaking as I saw the toll aging took on her, and her death only broke it a little bit more.
I did not cry, though I feel tears behind my eyes. I am not heartless, as I feel a pang of sorrow. Her end was near, and I accepted the fate of death. The last time I saw her, she was soiled and scared. It is this last memory which vexes me.
And, here is one of my favorite songs: “Maybe”, by the Ink Spots. It seems like the perfect song to close this post. Enjoy.
Sadie Blue 1995-2011
